Talk:Gabimaru/GA2

Writing

The writing is poor. There are consistent issues with grammar. Multiple sentences are fragments instead of forming a complete sentence. Some sentences simply don't make sense. Some ideas are added randomly, without flowing with the rest of the article. There is an overuse of direct quotes from sources instead of paraphrasing.

• He served as Iwagakure's most infamous shinobi, later planning to quit. Which resulted in the village chief orchestrating his execution.

The two sentences need to be combined - either by "quit, which resulted" or "quit, resulting in"...

• The character was praised by critics for his role in Hell's Paradise, coming across as an anti-hero in his backstory, while also developing a deep relationship with Sagiri upon the revelation of their connection. Also receiving generally favourable reviews, discussing his "merciless" nature.

Everything beginning with "coming across as an anti-hero" simply does not make sense. I would rewrite this along the lines of "The character was praised by critics for his role as an anti-hero, his merciless nature and his relationship with Sagiri." You also do not need to repeat Hell's Paradise; it is already understood that the character is from Hell's Paradise.

• Gabimaru's role in the story was meant to highlight parts of his personality and growth.[1][2] While writing, Yuji Kaku realized themes had shifted more towards the Middle Way, with paradoxes and conflict, and felt that it should be Sagiri who deals with it, "so for me, Sagiri became the protagonist of the latter half".

What do these two ideas have to do with each other? If it matters that Sagiri is the protagonist of the second half, then something should be added about Gabimaru being the protagonist/focus of the first half of the series.

• Commenting on the creation of Gabimaru: "the main character really needs a strong motivation to survive. He needs to be driven to get this over with as soon as possible. So I made his wife the driving force for Gabimaru. I'll admit that was something that I hadn't originally put too much thought into. It was really just a small aspect of his character initially. But afterwards, I realized I had created something unusual here with a married shōnen manga main character."

Earwig is flagging multiple copyright violations because of the use of quotes from the sources. Instead of a full quote, it is better to paraphrase it - for example "Kaku made Gabimaru's wife his driving force, as he felt that Gabimaru needed a strong motivation to survive. He commented that only later realized that a married protagonist was unusual for shōnen manga." You do not have to rewrite it exactly like this, it is one example. The same needs to be done for the other direct quotes in this section. For example, one of the quotes mentions "Miura", who is not mentioned anywhere else in the article and would be unknown to the reader. This can be removed. Additionally, commenting cannot work alone as a verb - something like "Kaku stated, commenting on the creation of Gabimaru, that..."

• In the Hell's Paradise anime adaptation, Gabimaru is voiced by Chiaki Kobayashi in Japanese,[4] who was chosen by director Kaori Makita for his "calm" voice. While in English, he is voiced by American voice actor Alejandro Saab.

Either make this two sentences, or remove "While".

• The first stage play adaptation for Yūji Kaku's manga series Hell’s Paradise: Jigokuraku was announced in November 28, 2022, with a new visual, Tsubasa Kizu portraying Gabimaru,[7][8] and revealed its February 2023 debut at the Hulic Hall in Tokyo.

This is repeating information stated later in the article. One of these instances needs to be removed. Additionally, "revealed its February 2023 debut" is a bit awkward in my opinion, and should reworded to something like "made its debut in February 2023".

• The first stage play adaptation for Hell’s Paradise: Jigokuraku would be announced following the release of a visual on November 28, 2022. Tsubasa Kizu would portray Gabimaru.

Change "would" in both cases to "was" and "portrayed", respectively.

• Writing for Polygon, Isaac Rouse, in his review of the upcoming second season, said he was "hardened by years of brutal training, Gabimaru survives every form of execution attempted, from beheading to burning at the stake."

This quote has nothing to do with good reviews. What did Rouse like about Gabimaru? Why does it matter that Gabimaru survived execution?

Broad

Appearances: From what I understand, the manga is already complete, and the anime is on its second season, yet this section has very little information about Gabimaru's story beyond his introduction. This needs much more information. See an article like Osamu Dazai (Bungo Stray Dogs) for a well-written way to write the appearances section - his appearance, personality and full plot arc are described.

Copyright violations

As I have already stated, Earwig is flagging several probable copyright violations due to the overuse of direct quotes from the sources. Nearly all of the quotes can be paraphrased.

Sources

The sources are for the most part reliable, and the information in the article matches the sources.

Stable

The article is stable, without edit wars.

Media used

The images have appropriate rationales.