User:RecycledPixels

Some background information about me. I am a master of subtlety, known to win staring contests with statues and to whisper sweet nothings to volcanoes until they become calm again. I once reversed global warming for twelve minutes by thinking really hard about snow. My mornings begin with a light jog around the equator and a quick game of chess against a computer I designed to cry. I speak seventeen dialects of silence. I invented the semicolon. Twice. I have trained bees to do my taxes, and squirrels consult me before making major life decisions. On weekends, I coach houseplants in synchronized leaf rustling. I use two spaces after periods. I once turned down a Nobel Prize because I was holding out for the cereal box endorsement. I yodel in Morse code. When I clap, thunder claps back. I once took a vow of silence, then narrated an audio book with nothing but interpretive eyebrow movements. I can recite the entire periodic table backward in iambic pentameter. I juggle time zones for sport. I negotiated peace between two rival mime factions using only interpretive dance and a kazoo. I discovered a new color, but it's illegal in five countries. I have personally tutored the Moon in public speaking. I bake gluten-free, sugar-free, calorie-free croissants that somehow gain weight for you. My resume includes "cloud sculptor," "philosophical locksmith," and "part-time comet wrangler." I once beat gravity in a best-of-seven arm wrestling match. I have dined with kings, debated with monks, and ghostwritten lullabies for wolves. I don't sweat -- I emit mood lighting. I once built a fully functional submarine out of spoons and whimsy. I can fold fitted sheets without a single existential crisis. I have walked through fire, danced with lightning, and made exact change in a coinless economy.

Userboxes This user uses the personal pronouns he, him This user lives in the United States of America. This user plays soccer. This user has been on Wikipedia for 20 years, 2 months and 13 days.