User:Tony1/Noun plus -ing

The book starts as a chronological autobiography, with Suzuki recounting his childhood.

The book starts as a chronological autobiography, with Suzuki recounting his childhood.

Hint

• "With" is usually a bad connector; you can tackle that problem and fix the noun + -ing problem at the same time.

The book starts as a chronological autobiography in which Suzuki recounts his childhood.

Note

• "In which" allows us to both dispense with clumsy "with", connecting the subsequent clause with the previous clause properly, and to change the noun + -ing into a grammatical structure.

Season 2 concludes with Ben setting out to confront Brother Justin in California.

Season 2 concludes with Ben setting out to confront Brother Justin in California.

Hint

• "With" is fine here, since it's not used as a connector; the noun + -ing problem can be tackled in more than one way.

Season 2 concludes as Ben sets out to confront Brother Justin in California.

Some business in Canada is transacted in US dollars, despite US currency not being legal tender.

Some business in Canada is transacted in US dollars, despite US currency not being legal tender.

Hint

• Pretty clumsy, isn't it. Try including "is" somewhere after the comma.

Some business in Canada is transacted in US dollars, despite the fact that US currency is not legal tender.

Note

• We've had to resort to "the fact that", which is deprecated by many editors as tired and wordy.
• But wait, we have a better idea:

Some business in Canada is transacted in US dollars, even though US currency is not legal tender.

Is that better?

The Australian failure to sink the submarine was due to a lack of practice and insufficient ships being available for an adequate search scheme.

The Australian failure to sink the submarine was due to a lack of practice and insufficient ships being available for an adequate search scheme.

Sometimes noun + -ing is so easy to improve.

Think redundancy.

The Australian failure to sink the submarine was due to a lack of practice and to insufficient ships being available for an adequate search scheme.

They remembered Gabriel Garcia Marquez once saying that many great films had been made from bad novels but few great films from good novels.

They remembered Gabriel Garcia Marquez once saying that many great films had been made from bad novels but few great films from good novels.

They remembered that Gabriel Garcia Marquez once said many great films had been made from bad novels but few great films from good novels.

Note

• In the solution, we've removed the second "that" to avoid "that ... that".

The lifetime risk of someone born in 2009 developing brain cancer is 0.60%.

The lifetime risk of someone born in 2009 developing brain cancer is 0.60%.

The easiest way of strengthening this is to switch the word order.

The word "for" is involved.

The lifetime risk of developing brain cancer for someone born in 2009 is 0.60%.

Or:

For someone born in 2009, the lifetime risk of developing brain cancer is 0.60%.

Doping scandals have resulted in a number of athletes being stripped of their medals.

Doping scandals have resulted in a number of athletes being stripped of their medals.

Doping scandals have resulted in the stripping of medals from a number of athletes.

Note

• Alternatively: "Doping scandals have resulted in a number of athletes' being stripped of their medals"—this is unusual nowadays, but nevertheless efficient and grammatical.

The inspiration for the promoters was the initial success of the City & South London Railway, which had seen large passenger numbers using its trains in its first year of operation.

The inspiration for the promoters was the initial success of the City & South London Railway, which had seen large passenger numbers using its trains in its first year of operation.

Hint

• Some lateral thinking might lead to the best solution: the "its ... its ..." problem can be solved at the same time.

The inspiration for the promoters was the initial success of the City & South London Railway, which had seen large passenger numbers using its trains in its first year of operation.

Notes

• The removal of three redundant words kills two birds with one keystroke. In another context, it might have worked to replace the problematic "using" with "on".
• You could reword it with only a slight change of meaning: "... which had seen many passengers in the first year of operation." After all, in this context what else would "passengers" be riding?

The organisers had originally planned a confrontation between the cast of the Jackass TV series and Umaga, with the feud concluding in a match at SummerSlam.

The organisers had originally planned a confrontation between the cast of the Jackass TV series and Umaga, with the feud concluding in a match at SummerSlam.

The organisers had originally planned a confrontation between the cast of the Jackass TV series and Umaga, and the conclusion of the feud in a match at SummerSlam.

Note

• Here, we've simply nominalised the problem; there may be other solutions.

Taylor made a point of avoiding the use of profanity, in response to people claiming that he relied on it.

Taylor made a point of avoiding the use of profanity, in response to people claiming that he relied on it.

• Rewording is the best option, since "people's claiming" is ... yucky. The solution is dead easy—what is redundant?

Taylor made a point of avoiding the use of profanity, in response to claims that he relied on it.

• Who else would make claims but people?

Less than two months after the Club's success, Jewell left to join Sheffield, with his assistant Chris Hutchings replacing him as manager.

Less than two months after the Club's success, Jewell left to join Sheffield, with his assistant Chris Hutchings replacing him.

• Think of using a different form of the word "replacing" and shifting it to a little after the comma.

Less than two months after the Club's success, Jewell left to join Sheffield, to be replaced by his assistant, Chris Hutchings.

• It's more elegant, avoids the grammatical glitch, but changes the meaning ever so slightly. How? The emphasis is now subtly shifted towards Chris Hutchings. If that's not OK, think of some other way of rewording.
• Perhaps breaking the sentence into two might do. "Less than two months after the Club's success, Jewell left to join Sheffield. His assistant, Chris Hutchings, replaced him as manager."

The original plan for the Normandy campaign envisioned strong offensive efforts in both sectors, with Lieutenant-General Sir Miles Dempsey's British Second Army securing Caen and the area south of it, and General Omar Bradley's United States First Army "wheeling round" to the Loire.

The original plan for the Normandy campaign envisioned strong offensive efforts in both sectors, with Lieutenant-General Sir Miles Dempsey's British Second Army securing Caen and the area south of it, and General Omar Bradley's United States First Army "wheeling round" to the Loire.

• "In which" is probably the best solution. How is it done?

"The original plan for the Normandy campaign envisioned strong offensive efforts in both sectors, in which Lieutenant-General Sir Miles Dempsey's British Second Army would secure Caen and the area south of it, and General Omar Bradley's United States First Army would "wheel round" to the Loire.

• The bonus is that the conditional-future mood/tense is explicit in the two "woulds".

Selwood's debut-year achievements resulted in him becoming AFL's highest-paid first-year player.

This one is simple: take the old-fashioned route when it's a preposition.

"Selwood's debut-year achievements resulted in his becoming AFL's highest-paid first-year player.

This has resulted in many species being removed from the committee's list of "scarce migrants".

Nominalise (that is, turn something into a noun group). Which verb, though?

Nominalise "removed". (See nominal group.)

This has resulted in the removal of many species being removed from the committee's list of "scarce migrants".

Despite the British government seizing the immediate political advantage by sending troops to Iraq, the longer-term ramifications have proved deleterious to public trust in government.

Change "Despite" to "Although" and the grammar will follow.

Although the British government seized the immediate political advantage by sending troops to Iraq, the longer-term ramifications have proved deleterious to public trust in government.