Don't Lose Your Head

It is the time of the French Revolution. The French aristocracy are losing their heads (literally) and two English noblemen, who play at appearing foppish, Sir Rodney Ffing (pronounced "Effing") and his best friend Lord Darcy Pue, bored with the endless rounds of country pursuits, decide to have some fun and save their French counterparts from being guillotined.

The enraged and incompetent revolutionary leader, Citizen Camembert, and his lackey, Citizen Bidet, scour France for the elusive saviour of the nobles, who is nicknamed “The Black Fingernail” after his calling card of “two digits rampant”. After a series of audacious rescues, the Fingernail, disguised as an insurance salesman, succeeds in rescuing the Duc de Pommfrit and in the process tricks Camembert into guillotining his own executioner. Camembert is chastised by his superior Maximillien Robespierre and threatened with the guillotine, unless he captures the Fingernail.

During his escape from France, Sir Rodney meets his true love, Jacqueline, leaving her with a silver locket containing a set of his mother's false teeth. When they become aware of Jacqueline, Camembert and Bidet imprison her. Using the locket as a trap and disguised as the Comte and Comtesse de la Plume de ma Tante, they travel to England to uncover the real identity of The Black Fingernail. They are accompanied by Camembert's lover, Desirée, who wears the locket and pretends to be Camembert's flamboyant sister. She is on the prowl, looking to marry a man with a title.

After a series of intrigues at a ball at Ffing House, everyone's identity is revealed. Sir Rodney challenges Camembert to a rigged duel in order to get a head start on his journey to Paris to rescue Jacqueline. Desirée is now in love with the hero, and will do all she can to save him from the guillotine in return for his promise that she will indeed marry a man with a title.

On arrival in Paris, the Fingernail discovers that Jacqueline has been moved from the Bastille to the Château Neuf. This is the former home of a recently executed member of the aristocracy who was an avid art collector. Camembert has awarded this home to himself.

Ffing, Lord Darcy, and the Duc de Pommfrit travel to the Château Neuf to rescue Jacqueline. During the ensuing swordfight with French soldiers, most of the art collection is destroyed. With Desirée's help, Jacqueline is rescued. All five flee to safety as the château collapses, in spite of Camembert's and Bidet's attempt to prevent it.

For their incompetence, Robespierre orders the execution of Camembert and Bidet on a double guillotine. They are relieved to know that the Fingernail is not there to see it, until the executioner reveals that he is The Black Fingernail himself. Afterwards, in England, Ffing marries Jacqueline, who becomes Lady Ffing, and he keeps his promise to Desirée, who has married the Duc de Pommfrit (a man with a title), although he is not the man she had in mind.

• Filming dates – 12 September–28 October 1966

Interiors:

• Marble Hall, Clandon House, Guildford, Surrey, England
• Pinewood Studios, Buckinghamshire

Exteriors:

• Clandon House, Guildford, Surrey, England
• Claydon Park, Claydon, Buckinghamshire, England
• Cliveden, Buckinghamshire, England, UK
• Waddesdon Manor, Waddesdon, Buckinghamshire, England, UK
• Black Park, Buckinghamshire, England, UK

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