Talk:Joscelin II of Edessa/GA1

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Nominator: Wombatmanboy (talk · contribs) 21:14, 1 March 2026 (UTC)

Reviewer: Векочел (talk · contribs) 22:56, 31 May 2026 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, spelling, grammar, and understandability): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable, as shown by a source spot-check.

   a (reference section): b (inline citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Will look at it over the next several days. Векочел (talk) 22:56, 31 May 2026 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. Seeing this prompted me to look at the article again, and I ended up adding information from Nicholas Morton's military history of the Crusader States. Wombatmanboy (talk) 21:22, 4 June 2026 (UTC)

• Regarding the sources, Babcock 1976, Mayer 1988, and Weltecke 2003 are missing entries in the bibliography, so could you please add these entries?

Fixed

• "He was son of his predecessor, Joscelin I, and Beatrice, daughter of Constantine I of Armenia." The lead is supposed to be a summary of the key points about the article. Does the mother play a significant role in Joscelin II's rule? If not, the genealogy should be saved for the early life section.
• "He initially supported Alice for the regency over her daughter, Constance of Antioch". A problem here: who is Alice? Names are introduced in this sentence with little context.
• "Joscelin and Raymond of Poitiers refused to cooperate during John's campaign against Shaizar". Please explain who Shaizar is.

That would be the fortress of Shaizar.

• "however he died the next year"; run-on sentence here. Change "however" to "but".

Fixed

• "Joscelin's father, Joscelin I, had been the Lord of Turbessel as the vassal of his cousin Baldwin of Bourcq, the Count of Edessa." Can we keep titles like lord, count, duke, king, and patriarch lowercase except where they are used as part of the name (e.g., King George)?
• "There he had Joscelin II alongside his wife Beatrice". Give the marriage date of Joscelin II's parents if possible.

Fixed

• "Upon learning that Emir Gazi of the Danishmendids was besieging the castle of Kaisun". Please explain who Emir Gazi and the Danishmendids are.

Fixed

• "She allied with Joscelin and Pons". Clarify who the pronoun refers to.

That would be Alice

• "Sawar, Zengi's lieutenant in Aleppo, prepared to campaign against Antioch in 1133, however Joscelin allied with Fulk and the two confronted Sawar at the Battle of Qinnasrin." Please split this long sentence into two.

Fixed

• "Joscelin intended to seize Manbij, and by 1134 had appointed a Frankish-archbishop for the still-unconquered city, had seized multiple castles in the vicinity, and was able to make land grants in the area to the Abbey of Saint Mary of Jehoshaphat." I would suggest writing what follows the first and as a separate sentence.

Fixed

• "Upon receiving the town of Gargar from its lord, Michael, for its defence, Joscelin gave them to Michael's personal enemy, Basil." Please clarify the pronoun: what did Joscelin give to Basil? Also is there any more information about this Basil?

That would be the town. Unfortunately, as I can tell, neither Michael or Basil show up anywhere else or are known outside of this incident.

• "Edessa suffered an attack from the Artuqids and Zengi". Can you rewrite this sentence to make the people involved the subject?

Fixed

• "however they were ambushed and suffered heavy losses." Run-on sentence; either change to but, or start a new sentence and capitalize however.

Fixed

• "Before he could return, he died to a hunting accident". Died to or died in?

Fixed. That would be died in.

• "and causing Zengi to overrun most of Kara Arslan's lands and attempted to cut communications between the two". This looks like another run-on sentence. Please split the sentence up to clarify the meaning.

Fixed

• "There, he sought aid from the other crusader rulers". The word "there" appears in the preceding sentence as well, so could you cut down on the repetition?

Fixed

• "but there the Frankish garrison was motivated by the proximity of Joscelin with the queen's army advancing and resisted strongly". The meaning of this sentence is unclear. Could you please reword it?

Fixed

• "The atabeg was murdered by one of his slaves on 14 September 1146." I think you mean Zengi, but he was never introduced as an atabeg.

I did. It's simply 'Zengi' now.

• "Joscelin responded to the news". He responded to the assassination.

Fixed

• "Robert Lawrence Nicholson, who wrote a monograph on Joscelin's son Joscelin III, accusing Joscelin of being shortsighted". Should accusing become accused?

I believe that would be accusing, since the accusation comes from the monograph.

Векочел (talk) 22:15, 21 June 2026 (UTC)

I think I've addressed all the notes that you haven't fixed yourself. Wombatmanboy (talk) 21:34, 23 June 2026 (UTC)