Talk:Leon Mandelshtam/GA1

Stylistic comments

Two general notes:

• You may be interested in WP:INTOTHEWOULDS, which details when and how to use "would". It is overused in the article and often used incorrectly. For instance, *At the age of sixteen, he began to study the Russian language in depth and began writing not only prose but also poetry, he would eventually write a small book of these early poems which he kept with him. Better He wrote a small book of these early poems, which he kept with him. Just about every instance of "would" in the article could be replaced with basic past tense.
• Avoid overlinking. Please look at MOS:OVERLINK carefully - "Examples of overlinking include: Everyday words (e.g., education, violence, aircraft, river, animation)...Common occupations (e.g., accountant, politician, actor) should not be linked. Major examples of the following categories should generally not be linked: Countries, Languages, Nationalities, ethnicities or identities, Religions."
  • After the first linkings of Max Lilienthal or Ministry of Public Education, they do not need to be linked again.
  • Jewish, if it must be linked (and I don't feel that it needs to be) should be linked ONCE. Russian, German, Hebrew, French, etc do not need to be linked.
  • Russian Empire, United States, Germany, Europe, etc do not need to be linked.
  • Textbooks, dictionaries, translations, prose, backwardness, abridged, etc do not need to be linked. University entrance exams does not need to be linked, and it links to the Myanmar entrance exams for whatever reason...
  • What COULD be wikilinked though, is the recent Polish Uprising. What uprising was it? Was it the November Uprising?
  • Jewish cemetery does not need to be linked. If necessary, a Template:ill link can be added like so: Preobrazhenskoye Jewish Cemetery [ru]

Specific comments:

• New comment: Article needs a short description.
• Maskil is not evident for the reader. It should be either "writer and translator", as it is in the infobox, (even "scholar" would be acceptable). Alternatively, Maskil could defined for the reader, either in parentheses or a footnote, something like "A follower of the Jewish Enlightenment movement" or "A self-taught Hebrew scholar and follower of the Haskalah movement" (if I have understood correctly the definition of Maskil? I take the definition from the Jewish Encyclopedia.)
• Mandelshtam was born in 1819 in the town of New Zhagory, Vilna province to a Jewish family, a distant cousin to Osip Mandelshtam. Divide into two sentences and clarify who is Osip Mandelshtam for the reader a Jewish family. He was a distant cousin to the poet Osip Mandelshtam. Also, wikilink New Zhagory to Žagarė.
• New comment: reader of Ha-Masseaf I don't understand what is meant here.
• Lead claims he was the first to translate the Torah into Russian. However, the "Written works" section claims he was "possibly the first". So was he the first or one of the first?
• In that same year, Mandelshtam would go out to Minsk and meet with a prominent Orthodox Jewish cantor, Sender Poliachek. He and the cantor would begin arguing about the benefits and costs of assimilation. This is never really brought up again. Why is it important? Did Poliachek influence his views in any way?
• Briefly explain who the Tsemah Tzedek is — I would phrase it as the Tsemah Tzedek, the then-leader of the Chabad Lubavitch Hasidic movement, wrote to Mandelshtam
• In order to preserve some sense of traditions some concessions were given. What kind of concessions? This needs elaboration.
• The Tsemah Tzedek would start a new campaign, petitioning Mandelshtam and another maskil, Moses Berlin, to preserve traditional perspectives in the government schools. His work would see Mandelshtam face heavy backlash from the Jewish community who accused him of not keeping fast days or praying regularly. The second sentence is phrased in such a way that it sounds as if the Tsemah Tzedek caused Mandelshtam to be criticized by the community. That can't be right.
• He left the Russian Empire for a brief period in 1865, opting to move to Germany, during which time he published his translation in Berlin. This translation was met with steep pushback from Orthodox Jewish rabbis. Why? What exactly did they criticize?

Grammar, spelling

• sending out requests from the Russian government to attend university Shouldn't it be to the Russian government?
• Lilienthal, who had just left to the United States. Either left for or emigrated to.
• demanding that the new government schools should teach Jewish subjects remove "should"
• Once he was noticed as missing the janitor of the building he was living was contacted and the effects of the body were used to identify his corpse. comma after missing, more importantly the janitor of the building in which he was living
• On September 6 Mandelshtam was exumed exhumed
• Mandelshtam works Mandelshtam's works
• While working for the Russian Ministry of Public Education in the 1840's without apostrophe: 1840s
• a abridged version was released in 1872 an abridged version

Sources

• There is a Jewish Encyclopedia entry dedicated to Leon Mandelshtam specifically. Have you looked at it? It has some information that isn't in the article - for instance, his children, the fact that he was the youngest of four brothers, etc.
• There is also an article from Berdnikov in Lechaim dedicated to Mandelshtam. This seems to also have some information lacking in the article - for instance, that his father was a merchant. It also says specifically which of Pushkin's works he translated to Hebrew (The Bronze Horseman (poem) and Boris Godunov (play)). (It is in Russian, but I see from your profile that you know some Russian, so it shouldn't be too much of an issue...)
• According to the Jewish Encyclopedia and the Brockhaus and Efron Jewish Encyclopedia he also had an older brother, Benjamin/Veniamin, who was notable in his own right (and probably should have an article made for him); Brockhaus/Efron entry on Leon and Jewish Encyclopedia entry on Benjamin this should be added to the article.

Formatting

• All authors should be written with Latin letters; titles should be translated using the trans-title parameter.
• Редакция. "Мандельштам Леон". Электронная еврейская энциклопедия ОРТ (in Russian). Retrieved 2025-11-18. Редакция is not an author. Needs to be removed.