Talk:Phyllis Edness/GA1

Passed. IAWW (talk) 17:37, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Arconning (talk · contribs) 06:16, 21 June 2025 (UTC)

Reviewer: It is a wonderful world (talk · contribs) 17:12, 21 June 2025 (UTC)

Note: @DaniloDaysOfOurLives and I are working very hard to review every single GA nomination in the television section. Consider joining us to clear the backlog!

Hi @Arconning, thanks for reviewing my FL nom. I'll review this to say thanks!

Prose (Criteria 1a, 1b, 4) clock

Lead

She was one of the first women to represent Bermuda at a Games, also becoming the first Black Bermudian woman to compete at any edition of the Games.: Misplaced modifier. Details in the biography section. IAWW (talk) 17:12, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

she did not make past the preliminary rounds of the women's 100 metres and women's 200 metres, citing stomach cramps: I think make it clearer she only cited stomach cramps for the 100 metres IAWW (talk) 17:12, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

Biography

Edness was one of the favourites to win the gold medal: I think this opinion should be attributed. IAWW (talk) 17:12, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

she had broken her personal best time in the 100 metres with a time of 12.4 seconds: I think attribute this too, since there is a good chance a coach will exaggerate this sort of thing IAWW (talk) 17:12, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

Edness would be one of the first women to compete for Bermuda at an Olympic Games, also being the first Black Bermudian woman to compete at a Games: "also being..." is a misplaced modifier here. Grammatically it modifies "Olympic Games" but it's clearly meant to modify Edness. IAWW (talk) 17:12, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

She and Lightbourn-Jones were stated to have struggled: I think attribute fully or remove "were stated to have". IAWW (talk) 17:12, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

leading for the other competitors to overtake her: Doesn't quite make sense IAWW (talk) 17:12, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

In the same year, she married Jackson Holland in New York City, adopting the name Phyllis Adelle Edness-Holland: "adopting..." is a misplaced modifier here. IAWW (talk) 17:12, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

Sources clock

Health/formatting (Criterion 2a) Y

Reliability (Criterion 2b) Y

Yup all are reliable :)

Spot check (Criteria 2b, 2c, 2d) Y

[1a]: Y

[1b]: Y

[1c]: Y

[8]: Y

[11]: Y

Copyvio (Criterion 2d) Y

Earwig finds nothing. I found no issues on the spot check.

Scope (Criteria 3a, 3b) Y

I think this article needs a bit more detail to meet broadness requirements. Searching gives loads more sourcing. I found the following information in the first 15 or 45 results from that search:

: Some sourcing on her beating the Bermudan record and running faster than the Olympic qualifying standard
: Original announcement the would participate in the Games
: Improved personal best
: Apparently she struggled with the climate
: A description of how she performed in the race
: Information about her 200 m performance

I think once all the sourcing found by that search has been incorporated, I think this will be sufficiently broad.

@It is a wonderful world:, I've done this! Arconning (talk) 03:53, 22 June 2025 (UTC)

@It is a wonderful world Checking in again. Arconning (talk) 11:54, 25 June 2025 (UTC)

@Arconning Apologies I had a busy start of week. Comments are completed. I also made some copyedits – let me know if you have any issues with my changes. IAWW (talk) 17:13, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

@It is a wonderful world Everything's addressed. :) Arconning (talk) 17:23, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

Thank you :) Passing now. IAWW (talk) 17:36, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

Stable (Criterion 5) Y

Media Y

Tags (Criterion 6a) Y

Captions (Criterion 6b) Y

Suggestions (not needed for GA promotion)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.