Attachment in adults

Secure

Secure attachment is one of the four primary attachment styles that most often correlates with a positive view of yourself and your relationship with others. ^[13][14]. People that have a secure attachment style are often associated with high self-esteem, and have an easier time forming healthy relationships with others^[15]. Those with a secure attachment style often manage conflict without feeling overwhelmed and are not bothered by the concepts of closeness and independence.

This begins at childhood, signaling a relationship between parents and caregivers that reflects feeling loved and cared for^[16]. Children who are secure in relationships are often confident when interacting with others. It is typically seen that infants and children with this form of attachment felt safe and secure with their caregivers, and were able to communicate through their emotions^[17]. These behaviors usually continue into adulthood and allow these adults to form long term relationships without the fear of being abandoned^[18].

Many adults who have a secure attachment style have an easier time trusting in themselves and their relationships. They do not feel the need for constant reassurance, so feeling close or distant in others does not have a large impact^[19]. Someone who demonstrates the qualities of a secure attachment style is more open to discuss previous relationships and does not have a hard time opening up^[20].

In connection to romantic relationships, many securely attached individuals see happiness and trust in their relationships, and have an easier time supporting their partners despite their faults. Many of these relationships last longer and secure lovers feel strongly that their romantic love will not fade^[21].

Even though people with a secure attachment style still have relationship challenges, they have a much more positive take on these issues and often take responsibility for their faults. Conflict is not something they want to engage with, so they try to find a solution.

Anxious-preoccupied

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment (sometimes known as anxious or anxious-ambivalent) is a form of attachment where individuals view themselves negatively, and feel unsure about trusting others^[22]. This attachment style creates a sense of gaining validation through relationships as a form of self-acceptance. These individuals seek intimacy but fear that others do not want to be with them^[23].

This style was created in childhood likely because the caregivers' availability to the infant was sporadic, being sometimes emotionally unavailable^[24]. Because of this, the infant seeked reassurance that their caregiver would provide stability. This attachment during infancy is present because the caregiver is sometimes present and other times not, so the caregiver's behavior becomes inconsistent^[25]. This continues into adulthood as individuals will seek reassurance and crave intimacy, but worry about others meeting their needs, emotionally. These individuals often find it hard to feel loved by their partners, while they also have a hard time expressing their love for others^[26].

Individuals with anxious attachment seek approval by others regarding the security of the relationship. Delayed communication leads to worry by these individuals and may cause them to feel rejected. Even in stable relationships, many anxious attachment individuals worry about the state of the relationship.

Dismissive-avoidant

Dismissive-avoidant attachment is one of the main attachment styles, and is often connected with a positive self-view, but a negative view of others. Individuals with this attachment style often avoid closeness and intimacy with others^[27]. Individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style typically suppress their emotions, and prioritize their personal independence.

Some of the characteristics of individuals who are dismissive-avoidant are emotional distance, independence over closeness, difficulty sharing their emotions, providing mixed signals, and pushing away issues. By doing these things, these individuals hope to avoid confrontation with others and they put themselves first, and pull away when any issues arise.

This forms as children when the infant's caregivers are dismissive to the baby, and the child does not feel comfort. Due to this, the child slowly learns to trust themselves over their caregiver. This continues into adulthood, as these individuals pull away from others in order to control these emotions^[27].

Individuals with a dismissive-avoidant style continually prefer to have emotional distance. Many have a hard time opening up to romantic partners, and when things start to feel real, they pull away. This can cause stress for the other person because they may not understand why this distance is being created^[28].

Fearful-avoidant

Fearful avoidant attachment (also known as Disorganized Attachment) is the least common of the main attachment styles. Individuals with this attachment style are associated with a negative self-view, as well as a negative view of others^[29]. They seek close relationships, but are scared of them, so it almost feels like a personal battle within themselves^[30].

This attachment style develops through trauma as infants and children, which causes these individuals to have a difficult time forming relationships. These children become withdrawn socially and do not easily trust others^[31]. This continues into adulthood because they are often pushing and pulling other people. These individuals sometimes seek closeness, but other times crave distance due to fear of abandonment^[32].

Many people with this attachment style may stay in the dating stage of romantic relationships as it takes longer to trust others. These individuals may shut down if the relationship becomes too serious, out of self protection. Many get nervous when they are in a stable relationship due to prior trauma and experiences^[33].

Organization of working models

Bartholomew and Horowitz have proposed that working models consist of two parts.^[9] One part deals with thoughts about the self and the other deals with thoughts about others. They further propose that a person's thoughts about themselves are either generally positive or generally negative. The same applies to a person's thoughts about others. To test these proposals, Bartholomew and Horowitz have looked at the relationship between attachment styles, self-esteem, and sociability. The diagram below shows the relationships they observed:

Stability of working models

Investigators study the stability of working models by looking at the stability of attachment styles. Attachment styles reflect the thoughts and expectations that constitute working models. Changes in attachment styles, therefore, indicate changes in working models.

Around 70–80% of people experience no significant changes in attachment styles over time.^{[35][36][37][38][39]} The fact that attachment styles do not change for a majority of people indicates working models are relatively stable. Yet, around 20–30% of people do experience changes in attachment styles. These changes can occur over periods of weeks or months. The number of people who experience changes in attachment styles, and the short periods over which the changes occur, suggest working models are not rigid personality traits.

Why attachment styles change is not well understood. Waters, Weinfield and Hamilton propose that negative life experiences often cause changes in attachment styles.^[40] Their proposal is supported by evidence that people who experience negative life events also tend to experience changes in attachment styles.^[36][41][42] Davila, Karney, and Bradbury have identified four sets of factors that might cause changes in attachment styles: (a) situational events and circumstances, (b) changes in relational schemas, (c) personality variables, and (d) combinations of personality variables and situational events.^[43] They conducted a study to see which set of factors best explained changes in attachment styles. The study found that all four sets of factors cause changes in attachment styles. Changes in attachment styles are complex and depend on multiple factors.

Satisfaction

Several studies have linked attachment styles to relationship satisfaction. Adults who have a secure attachment style usually express greater satisfaction with their relationships. Adults with insecure (anxious or avoidant) attachment styles tend to have lower satisfaction and commitment within their relationships.^{[44][45][46][47][48][49][50][51][52]}

Although the link between attachment styles and marital satisfaction has been firmly established, the mechanisms by which attachment styles influence marital satisfaction remain poorly understood. One mechanism may be communication. Secure attachment styles may lead to more constructive communication and more intimate self-disclosures, which in turn increase relationship satisfaction.^[45][53] Other mechanisms by which attachment styles may influence relationship satisfaction include emotional expressiveness,^[54][55] strategies for coping with conflict,^[49] and perceived support from partners.^[50][56] Further studies are needed to better understand how attachment styles influence relationship satisfaction.

Duration

Some studies suggest that adults with a secure attachment style have longer-lasting relationships.^[57][58][12] This may be partly due to commitment. Adults with a secure attachment style tend to express more commitment to their relationships. Adults with a secure attachment style also tend to be more satisfied with their relationships, which may encourage them to stay in their relationships longer. However, having a secure attachment style is by no means a guarantee of long-lasting relationships. Relationship participants with anxious and avoidant attachment styles have been linked to a decreased level of commitment.^[12]

Nor are secure attachment styles the only attachment styles associated with stable relationships. Adults with the anxious–preoccupied attachment style often find themselves in long-lasting, but unhappy, relationships.^[59][60] Anxious–preoccupied attachment styles often involve anxiety about being abandoned and doubts about one's worth in a relationship. These kinds of feelings and thoughts may lead people to stay in unhappy relationships.