Don't Tell Me (Avril Lavigne song)

"Don't Tell Me" has been noted as having a "post-grunge^[3] and alternative rock^[4] sound" with grunge influences,^[1] which builds from a folk-rock verse to a hard rock chorus like a Morissette song^[5] When asked what "Don't Tell Me" was about, Lavigne said:

It's about being strong. There are a lot of guys out there who just want to take you out to dinner and then, like basically go home and 'unhh' you. That's what a lot of guys are like and I just think girls need to be strong and not let any guy pressure them into doing anything.

She also said in a 2007 interview:

When I was writing "Don't Tell Me", I was just, kind of, thinking about what it was like being a girl, and I was seventeen when I wrote that song, so that was all, like, fresh on my mind. I was just coming out of high school, and there's a lot of pressure for girls these days, and I'm happy to have that song, to be able to sing it up on stage every night, and to introduce it with, you know, by telling the audience that this song is all about being strong, and this goes out to all the girls, and it feels good to be able to do that.

Some critics speculate that this song might be referring to Fred Durst, the lead singer of Limp Bizkit, whom she criticized in a 2004 interview with "Rolling Stone". "He took a private jet out to one of my shows, expecting me to bang him," Lavigne stated.^[7][8]

Reviewing the album Under My Skin, David Browne of Entertainment Weekly described "Don't Tell Me" as such: "Lavigne herself sounds more burdened; ... the sk8erboi of the first album has turned out to be a selfish, nasty creep who leaves when she won't go to bed with him".^[9] Blender Music wrote that unlike "Sk8er Boi", the up-with-abstinence single "Don’t Tell Me" finds her kicking him out of bed.^[10] The Guardian was mixed: "Current single "Don't Tell Me" at least has some relevant advice to impart to her pubescent female fans: it depicts a confused and angry Lavigne fending off an over-eager boyfriend."^[11]

PopMatters was favorable: "The first single, "Don't Tell Me", is probably the best song on the album, with the kind of wonderfully effusive movement that makes the best pop so damn irresistible. It starts slow and quiet, building to the first chorus, ebbs back, builds to another chorus, drops down into a bridge before coming back with a skull-crunching third chorus that leaves the riff firmly implanted in your skull. One or two reprises and we're out like a light, end of song. At that point you're either convinced or not."^[12] Rolling Stone was positive: "The lead single, "Don't Tell Me," might be her most Avril-ish song yet, a petulant kiss-off to a horny boy. As the guitars get revved up behind her, she asks, "Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl/The one who gives it all away, yeah/Did you think that I was going to give it up to you?" The syntax may be tortured, but the singer sounds just fine: a righteous prude, confidently fending off the creeps."^[13] Yahoo Music! liked the song: "we now have a stronger, more confident Avril - forthright in her determination not to lose her cherry on 'Don't Tell Me'".^[14]

"Don't Tell Me" reached number 22 on the US Billboard Hot 100, and it stayed on the chart for 20 weeks.^[21] On the US Adult Top 40 chart, it peaked at number 10 and remained on the chart for 26 weeks,^[22] while on Mainstream Top 40 chart, it reached number nine.^[23] The song was certified gold in the United States by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) for selling 500,000 digital copies of the single.^[24]

The accompanying music video for "Don't Tell Me" was directed by Liz Friedlander, and filmed in Los Angeles in March 2004.

The video tells the story of the song. It opens with Lavigne's boyfriend leaving her apartment. After taking her anger out on her bedroom and mirror, she follows him around the city. During the bridge of the song, her boyfriend sees her in many places at once, so he is feeling guilty and her feelings are weighing heavily on his mind. At the end of the video, she decides that he is better off without her and lets him walk away, and in the final shot she begins to float above the surface.^[25]

The video was nominated for Best Pop Video at the 2004 MTV Video Music Awards, but lost to No Doubt's video for "It's My Life".^[26]

• Australian CD single^[27]

1. "Don't Tell Me" (single version) – 3:26
2. "Don't Tell Me" (live acoustic) – 3:38
3. "Take Me Away"  – 2:55

• European CD/digital single^[28]

1. "Don't Tell Me" (single version) – 3:26
2. "Don't Tell Me" (live acoustic) – 3:38

• Japanese CD single^[29]

1. "Don't Tell Me" (single version) – 3:26
2. "Take Me Away"  – 2:55

Personnel are adapted from the Under My Skin liner notes.^[30]

• Avril Lavigne – vocals, writer
• Butch Walker – producer, electric guitar, bass, keyboards, percussion, programming, and background vocals
• Evan Taubenfeld – writer, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, background vocals
• Kenny Cresswell – drums
• Russ-T Cobb – recording
• Dan Chase – Pro-Tools engineering
• Sean Loughlin – engineering assistance
• Mauricio Cersosimo – engineering assistance
• Tom Sweeney – engineering assistance
• Tom Lord-Alge – mixing
• Femio Hernandez – mixing assistance
• Christie Priode – production coordination