Draft:Rassiology
Satirical article of the Springbok Rugby Coach, Rassie Erasmus
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Rassiology
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Comment: In accordance with Wikipedia's Conflict of interest guideline, I disclose that I have a conflict of interest regarding the subject of this article. DaveArkin (talk) 20:42, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
This entry is inspired by the Northwood School Class of 1996, gents with a zest for living, who, on the cusp of a 30 Year Reunion, are looking forward to a potential Bokke three-peat at RWC 2027.
Rassiology is the metaphysical outlook of life, as espoused by Dr. Johan “Rassie” Erasmus, the current Springbok rugby coach. Wise and thought-provoking people who study Rassiology are known as “Rassiologists”, a term first coined by the Aristotelian rugby philosopher, Harry Jones, and his fellow Stoic rucking partner, MV Welman (pronounced EM Vee) on their Megafoon Rugby platform and Lekker Rugby Pod (LRP).[1]
Rassiology reconciles profound sociological questions, such as is Religion the opiate of the masses? Or is, indeed, Rugby, the true opiate of the masses? In its purest essence, Rassiology champions South African Nation-building, Ubuntu and Tikun Olam.
The building-blocks of Rassiology include an indestructible scrum and a 6-2 Bench known colloquially as the “Bomb Squad”. A less common, higher-risk version is the 7-1 Bench, or “Nuclear Squad”. During the 2025 season, the Bench evolved again using an esoteric combination of Kabbalistic proportions, known as 6 ½ - 1 ½, deploying hybrid positions, like the “flenter”. Squad-depth deeper than the Marina Trench, and weekly rotation of players are other common ploys used to confuddle opposition.
Other prominent South African Rassiologists include Mark Keohane and Zelim Nel (Keo & Zels)[2], John Cardinelli, Brenden Nel and Gavin Rich. Interestingly, Gavin Rich is an Old Boy of Northlands Boys High School, Class of ’84.
Despite initial vehement opposition from some Irish commentators, Rassiology has taken root outside the borders of ZA, with Hasidim being found in a range of locales around the world, from dialing codes +1 to +972. Notable international Rassiologists include Tim Cocker (Eggchasers)[3], Squidge Rugby[4] and Huw Griffin. Martin Devlin, a maven of the All Blacks, has described Rassie as a “High Priest” on the aforementioned LRP. Rassie may in fact be closer to a Rebbe, with his spiritual guidance and express intent of creating a dynasty.
Imitations of Rassiology can be found in the English Borthwickian “Pom Squad” and French Galthién selections, proving that “…He’s in your head, he’s in your head, Rassie, Rassie, Rassie -ie-ie…”