The review will be in accordance to the section as shown on the Wikipedia page.
Contents & Infobox
Section 3: Competition Overview seems needlessly long. Especially since “Winner’s Creation” is repeated multiple times. Perhaps consider doing it in a list or table format instead, as the current list results in many unnecessary sub-headers at the beginning which may be distracting.
Examining the source code, the infobox used is one typically used for a company. Consider other using the infobox for “events” or recurring “events” since StartupBus is an competition and so that you can input more information in the infobox.
History
Language can be more formal and factual. When composing articles that depict a history of events, the wiki should avoid using word such as “eventually” and “soon after” and state explicitly the date and facts at the start of the sentence. For example your team used wordings like:
Soon after, starting from February 2011, StartupBus was officially an annual technological startup competition.
Perhaps consider rephrasing as:
In February 2011, StartupBus was declared an annual startup competition
To have a better idea of how to structure historical facts, perhaps consider looking at some wiki articles such as History of Singapore and Japanese occupation of Singapore.
Concept
Phrasing under “concept” sounds like a business plan or an instruction manual. Such language is more akin to selling an idea and should be avoided in a Wikipedia article. Hence, consider phrasing it in a manner that is more factual and less worded in a manner similar to a proposal. For example:
On-board are experienced mentors from prior StartupBus competitions, available to help the teams out.
Could instead be phrased as:
Experienced mentors are also present onboard the StartupBuses to render help to the teams where needed.
Also, some awkward sentence structuring such as the following:
- Buspreneurs are selected based on an invite-only basis after indicating their interest through submission of an application and proposal with an interview there after, if shortlisted.
- Each bus consists of 24 buspreneurs, which comes equipped with Wi-fi, charging points and tables among the seats with no other luxuries.
Competition Overview
As previously mentioned, avoid setting each year as a subsection of this section if possible, as this makes the table of contents appear messy and harder to navigate with it. Consider either putting the information into a table, or maybe sorting it by year.
Lu.jw (talk) 13:34, 20 April 2015 (UTC)
