 | This edit request by an editor with a conflict of interest has now been answered. |
I work for Shift4 Payments, the company where the subject of the article is the CEO. Following instructions on the Contact Us page, , I’d request that independent editors please review these suggested changes, which I believe improve the article consistent with Wikipedia Policy. I won’t edit myself because of the conflict of interest as policy dictates.
1. Restructure order of content “Personal Life” section content.
A. Please change the first sub-section header to “Early Life and Education” instead of “Personal Life.
Why? This is the name of the first sub-section of almost every good article. WP: Good Articles, WP: Featured Articles. 
Done}
AND
B. Please delete the second paragraph of current section titled “Personal Life.
In 2004, Isaacman began taking flying lessons. In 2009, he set a world record for circumnavigating the globe.[1][2] He is flight qualified in multiple military jet aircraft.[3] In his 20s, he flew in many airshows, but by his 30s, he had stopped flying much.[4]
Why? With the renamed sub-section, this content is no longer related to Early life and education. I will propose adding back some of the non-repetitive content in Request Edit #2, below, about the Personal endeavors section, which already covers this topic of his flying. Done
AND
C. Please move paragraphs 3 and 4 in the current section called “Personal Life” (about his family and where he lives) to a newly created sub-section called “Personal Life”, which should be placed at the bottom of the article underneath the section called “Personal endeavors.” These should be the new first and second paragraphs of Personal Life:
He is married and has 2 daughters.[5] Isaacman has been a resident of Washington Township, Warren County, New Jersey.[2]
Why? Personal life section is formatted to be at the bottom of almost all Good Articles and Featured Articles that are biographies. WP: Good Articles, WP: Featured Articles. This content I am requesting be moved is not about Isaacman’s Early Life and Education; added good secondary source. Done
2. Requested Personal Endeavors Edits
A. Please rename the section “Aerobatics career” to “Pilot”
Why? Will allow consolidation of all piloting activities into one sub-section. Done
AND
B. Please remove the title (but not the content) for the section “World Record Flight”
Why? The corresponding information is a continuation of his “Pilot” experience and does not require a separate section; listing “pilot” biographical information in chronological order. Done
AND
C. Please create a new first paragraph for the “Pilot” sub-section of “Personal endeavors” as follows:
In 2004, Isaacman began taking flying lessons.[6] He is flight qualified in multiple military jet aircraft.[3] While in his 20s, Isaacman performed in airshows with the Black Diamond Jet Team.[4]
Why? This content is moved from the existing Personal life section and in keeping with the organization of this article, it should be here. I have added additional reliable secondary reference. Done
D. Continue with the following paragraphs and sentences beginning: “In 2008, he tried to set the world record….” through the sentence that ends “....hours-long ground delays in his last attempt in 2008.”
Why? This is the same content and sourcing and proceeds in chronological order.
AND
E. Please add a new sentence to the end of the “Pilot’ sub-section as follows:
In his 20s, he flew in several airshows, but stopped flying in as many airshows in his 30s.[4]
Why? Moved this sentence from “Personal Life” section to the appropriate area of the new “Pilot” sub-section of “Personal endeavors”; changed sentence structure for grammar without changing information or citation. Done
Thank you for your consideration. Paul.jonah.paul (talk) 15:45, 9 April 2021 (UTC)
- Paul.jonah.paul, I am a little confused with the 2008 section but I believe I have accepted everything else. HickoryOughtShirt?4 (talk) 18:50, 15 April 2021 (UTC)
